Spoiled Kids' Day

Mom's Day is supposed to be full of pancake breakfasts and unrealistic promises which are meant to show the extent of our love for Mommy Dearest. Lots of hugs and kisses and cards and chocolate and lalala.
But, If you look a bit closer, run a bit deeper, Mother's Day is also a accurate indicator of spoiled kids. Spoiled kids are most obviously spotted when, in one sneaky way or another, Mother's Day, becomes about them. I know this, because, well, I'm part of the spoiled kids club, and...even at my age, Mom's day is really K-Day. In my experience, there are a few components that apply to every spoiled kid who makes this national holiday about them. These are characteristics that signify that the day is really about them, and in worst case scenarios, the roles of mother and child are confused. You know it's spoiled Kids Day when:
1. Your filling out a card for your mom, only to realize that the card is more exciting and relevant to you, not your mom. (Ex, your card includes jokes about drinking, men, fashion, etc)
2. Your visit with mom involves you leaving with a bag of hand-me-downs, clothes she "doesn't need" anymore. (Jackpot!)
3. Mother's Day events include: getting filled up on Mom's cookies, soup, wine, tea, all of the above.
4. If you live in another town, mom calls you, saying "Hi honey, today made me think of you".
5. (This one's most shameful- brace yourself) If you live in another town, the thought of calling mom entails you wondering if maybe all 4 of your siblings will overwhelm her with flattery, and get you off the hook, thus avoiding a three hour phone call.
It's my theory that if you are guilty of even 3 of these scenarios, you do not celebrate Mother's Day at all, but some version of Your Day beginning with your first initial. Go K-Day! Love you Mom.