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Monday, 30 July 2012

Reasons Not to See The Dark Knight Rises

I have a secret: I think I'm the only person on the planet who has no interest in seeing The Dark Knight Rises. After the Aurora shooting, I foolishly thought that maybe a few others would join me in general apathy toward seeing the film, but my Facebook continuously proves me wrong. As I scroll down my news-feed, status updates consistently report of an awesome movie, and Christopher Nolan's awesome awesomeness.
In an effort to console myself and perhaps provide support for other strays who also fail to see the glory in seeing the latest Batman movie, I have made a list of reason's not to see the newest Nolan film. Due to the fact that I refuse to see the latest movie, the list is based only on the prequelling (it is a verb, damnit.) two movies:

Reason #1: Bruce Wayne Talks, but Batman Whispers:

This is something I just don't see the point of. Is Batman's choice to whisper supposed to be the equivalent of Superman and his glasses, hiding the vigilante's true identity? If so, I think getting Microsoft Sam to speak for him would've been a lot sexier. That whispery grunting that he does just sounds like he's having persistent trouble relieving his bowels. We all know Bruce Wayne can talk, in fact, some might say he has a nack for monologues, with all those one-sided, I-never-know-what-to-do-even-though-ive-faced-very-similar-moral-dilammas-in-all-the-batman-movies-conversations he has with Albert. So why not have him put a little more effort into it, and disguise his voice just a pitch or two in either direction. It'd be a lot less distracting than having to strain to hear his words over the crunching of your popcorn.

Reason #2: The Joker

Let's leave the late Heath Ledger out of this. Actually no, let's not, because I think it was his larger-than-life acting which made me hate the joker that much more. I know, the joker is supposed to be hated, but he differs from other superhero villains. He is three dimensional, he is complex. He is a psychopath, with onion-layers of psychosis. He is all too real. No one believed in Dr. Octapus the way they believe in The Joker. I don't know about you, but The Doctor's robot octa-legs didn't phase me. I doubt I'll ever meet anyone with with creepy-crawly limbs, so I have nothing to fear. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the Joker. He could probably be compared with some of the intelligent psychopaths that should be on high security in prison. I find this disturbing.
It seems the only place to go from here is to reference a report on the Aurora shooting, which claimed the suspected shooter told authorities he was the joker. Apparently, authorities were somewhat confused by this, as the suspect's hair was dyed bright orange instead of the bright green hue Ledger sports in the first of the newer batman films. It never dawned on them that maybe the nearest Rexall was just out of green hair-dye.
Perhaps it is too extreme to point to behavioral theory and decide that the suspect was only acting on what he saw on the big screen. Obviously you have to have the right disposition, DNA, and general environment to commit such a horribly wrong act Let's just hope the realistic villain portrayed in Joker fails to be an influence to psychopaths everywhere.

Reason #3: The Climbing

This is not an idea I can be credited with. A brilliant mind by the name of Laura Hudson posted on social media, purporting that the physical climbing of Batman is not only unrealistic (as expected), but illogical, at some points bordering on nonsensical. As an experience rock-climber, she discusses the details of climbing on a top rope, and what that does and doesn't entail. Here's the link:


There it is, the 3 reasons why I won't see The Dark Knight Rises, unless of course I am very handsomely bribed. Then of course, it's a whole new ballgame.

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